awkwardsharks's Blurbs

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Ask away.


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awkwardsharks's Posts

Mar 3 2014 2:53 am

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i cybered on omegle today
You: hi
Stranger: hey
You: wanna cyber
Stranger: Depends are you a girl? ;)
You: ya
Stranger: And okay then, you start?
You: i come into ur bedroom
You: and ur sleeping
You: and i crawl under your blanket
Stranger: I'm still asleep
You: u feel me pulling down ur pants
You: and u wake up and smile
Stranger: I kiss you gently, still sleepy
You: then i smile and open the scissors around your dick and snap them closed
You: cutting off your penis
Stranger: wait
You: THATS WHAT YOU GET FOR CHEATING ON ME
Stranger: Then what...?
You: I HATE YOU
Stranger: I didn't cheat
You: you bleed to death in your bed
Stranger: i didn't cheat on you. lets restart ok
You: nobody ever knows what happened
You: i flee to mexico with your Mercedes
You: the end
Stranger: I have a mercedes?
You: not anymore faggot

Mar 3 2014 2:53 am

156700 Notes - View Post - Reblog

frostingpeetaswounds:

the fact that ellen doesn’t have to insult celebrities to be funny makes her 500% more amazing then she already is

(via relentlessmindfuckery)

Mar 3 2014 2:53 am

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Mar 3 2014 2:52 am

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ratpacknyc:

Gorilla Biscuits 89 Tour . 

(via religiousmother)

Mar 3 2014 12:08 am

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illuminated-youth:

johnflansburgh:

shredded cheese

fuck

(Source: miss-rocks)

Mar 3 2014 12:07 am

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dirtylittlehipsteress:

Want want waaaaaaaant

(Source: ammeb)

Mar 3 2014 12:06 am

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onesicklovestory:

ellen is handing out the pizza and brad pitt is handing out the paper plates this must be what a famous child’s birthday party is like

(via bringmeadaytopiercethehorizon)

Mar 3 2014 12:05 am

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pharaoni:

magnezone:

trophiesremix:

scrapes:

hemoglobinhottie:

wait are they serious

im SCREAMING

Unbelievable

no way

IT’S REAL

(Source: kelisjerkribs, via bringmeadaytopiercethehorizon)

Mar 3 2014 12:05 am

108176 Notes - View Post - Reblog

chatterboxrose:

that pizza guy is gonna call his parents like, “remember when you were disappointed I was a pizza guy well GUESS WHAT I’M ON THE OSCARS” 

(via bringmeadaytopiercethehorizon)

Mar 3 2014 12:04 am

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lexicon19:

quietrevolutionary:

Because everyone needs this on their blog

Thanks

(via slut-lord)

Mar 3 2014 12:04 am

287673 Notes - View Post - Reblog

WELCOME TO SEA WORLD YOU LITTLE FUCKERS

(Source: zenigata, via slut-lord)

Mar 2 2014 11:59 pm

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chandeluresinsicily:

JACK BLACK IS LITERALLY LEADING AN ENTIRE ARMY OF PO COSTUMES HOW IS THIS PICTURE NOT ALL OVER TUMBLR

(Source: panda-w0rld, via slut-lord)

Mar 2 2014 11:58 pm

112949 Notes - View Post - Reblog

abcworldnews:

Yup, Ellen DeGeneres now has the most retweeted tweet in history with her epic Oscars selfie.

(via s3anmitch3ll)

Mar 2 2014 11:56 pm

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Mar 2 2014 11:56 pm

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selenophobiax:

She’s the best host the Oscars ever had, I swear

(via slut-lord)


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